On this, our first wedding anniversary, I thought I would do something here and print something nobody has ever seen before.
As Kirke and I were preparing to be married, our minister, Donald Warren, asked both of us to write a letter to him on why we wanted to be married to the other. He promised us that it would only be for his eyes, unless we decided to share it down the road.
Today, on the first anniversary of the best decision I have ever made in my life, I have decided to share this letter to Donald. It is as close as I can come in words, to why I love her so much.
Hi Donald,
Today is my day to take on the task of writing you as to, “Why I want to marry Kirke.”
When I moved out of my home after my first marriage, I swore I would never get married again. The mental anguish I went through for almost 25 years, not realizing until the last few years, did a number on my mind and my heart. I was in a difficult spot and wasn’t sure that I would ever be able to give my heart to anyone again.
Kirke and I first met through the Wake Forest Chamber of Commerce in 1998. She had a business that she was doing creating gift baskets. She would do closing gifts for me when I would sell houses to clients. That was our first introduction to each other.
During that time, we were both married and neither of us had kids. We found ourselves volunteering for many of the same events in town and got to know each other well.
As time went by, we became friends and got to know each other better. Looking back, one of my favorite things was when we found out our birthdays are one day apart. Because of that, we would have lunch together every year to celebrate.
After our youngest daughters were born only a couple of months apart, we started running into each other even more often at local events.
When the girls entered kindergarten at Wake Forest Elementary School, Kirke was a room mother and I would always be the DJ for their events. As a result, we then started working together on even more projects.
One of our favorite projects we worked on was the Trentini Foundation. Kirke was the President of the organization and I was in charge of fundraising. That year, I believe 2015, was the last time a deposit was actually made into that investment account. Since then, the board has just taken money out, not growing the base. That was a major accomplishment where we worked together.
Because of the work we had done together, we had a very good friendship. Our thoughts, religious beliefs and our morals were in line with each other. Still, we were both married to other people so there was never even a thought of a romantic relationship.
Back to my mindset when I separated from my ex-wife; it would have taken the perfect partner for me to even consider a long-term relationship with someone, much less a marriage.
Little did I know that God had a plan for me. Over my life, God has seemed to put the right person in front of me at the right time. I have never understood the reason for the path until the last three years. There were times that I thought my prayers had not been answered because doors were closed. Later, I would learn that my prayers were answered BECAUSE that door was closed.
I had a job offer in Orlando, Florida in 2019 and came close to taking it. Had I done so, my relationship with Kirke would never have gotten off the ground. That is just one example of being in the right place.
We went on our first “date” as a couple on Friday, May 17, 2019. Dinner at Second Empire. I remember thinking to myself when I was getting ready, “Why have we not done this sooner?” The answer was that I was terrified that if the relationship did not go well, it could ruin the friendship.
Over time, I realized that the foundation of such a great friendship, may have been the most valuable thing we had together. Because of that foundation, we already knew the good, the bad and the ugly for the other person. We accepted that and focused on the positives rather than the negatives. We learned that as well as we knew each other, there was more depth than we had ever imagined.
There was a comfort for me to know that finally my faith was a centerpiece of a romantic relationship. I had never had that before. Of course, having similar interests like baseball, travel and exploring new things allowed us to have first time experiences for both of us in a shared partnership.
When my daughters were born, it was the first time I understood what unconditional love was. My mother and father had always tried to explain their love to me but I never understood it until I became a parent myself. Before Shannon and Cassidy, I had never experienced having a person on earth that I would give my life for, just to make sure theirs was the best it could be.
Until Kirke came into my life, I never thought I could feel that way about anyone else other than Shannon and Cassidy. Again, God brought the person that I needed at the right time.
When Kirke came into my life, I turned into a different person. I became much less focused on me and more focused on her. I appreciated family as I spent time with her, Nate and Hannah Kirke and I LOVED the times when we spent time with all four kids. We referred to it as the “Patey Bunch.”
Things weren’t perfect. I made mistakes in my relationships with the kids that caused extra challenges for us. Kirke and I had numerous challenges that piled on and yet we found comfort knowing that there was always someone there to support us unconditionally. In some of those times, it felt like we were the only other person we had. Making it through those tough times strengthened our relationship even more.
Today, I can’t imagine life without her. The life we have built together starts with our faith. Many people claim that their spiritual life comes first, family second and work third. We live it, every day.
Sitting on the back porch watching a baseball game and chit chatting is as fulfilling to me as going out to a five-star meal or going on a weekend getaway. I really don’t care where I am or what I am doing, as long as I am beside her.
I revel in her success more than I do my own. That is a big statement for me if you know me. I’m not sure if anyone has ever come before me in my life, other than my kids. My life revolves around being the best companion I can be and doing whatever I can do to make her the happiest woman on earth.
In one of our early conversations when we first started dating, I told her, “My goal is not to be the envy of every man in the room at an event because of the woman on my arm.” I continued, “My goal is to make every woman in the room jealous of you because of they way they see me treating you.”
For the last 23 years, my “why” in my life has been Shannon and Cassidy and getting them to adulthood and supporting them.
Finding the next “why” had been something I had been searching for.
In Kirke, I have found my “why.”